You have a lot of great content in this paper, but you need to work on turning it into a narrative rather than an essay.
Create a setting, and characters in addition to Deborah. Perhaps there’s a friend in conflict (perhaps they are in an abusive relationship themselves, and Deborah shares about how losing her mother impacted her and led to her accepting abuse), and in talking it over with them, she shares her mother’s story and how it affected her. Something like that would allow the story to progress to its natural conclusion while also sharing the Henrietta Lacks story, and keep the reader engaged.
Based on the quality of the writing you submitted, I believe if you simply turn this into a fictional narrative, you will earn a high score on the resubmission. Each paragraph can go from third person discussion of Deborah’s past to a present-day dialogue between Deborah and the other character in which that information is conveyed as they work toward the resolution of the conflict in the story.